Pepper Schwartz Question from Carl: I recently started dating after a divorce. What advice would you give me as far as first date suggestions? ‘I always had boyfriends when I was younger and assumed I would again after James was born,’ she says. These chats were fun — and sometimes quite flirty — but if I ever suggested we meet, the men would often back off, saying they were not looking for a relationship.’A dozen or so dates followed over the years, none of them quite right.When she last registered with an online dating site she was 44 — and few men made contact.
I was giving him some advice on property at his house and he asked: ‘So when are we going to have sex? It was funny because when we did go to bed, I told him I was shy, so I got undressed while he wasn’t in the room. I’m sure there must be men out there who think that log fires, red wine and walking along a beach are totally irresistible but nearly everyone of my age writes an online profile like this. Write something different, such as: ‘I love climbing mountains!
’ One plus side of internet dating is your friends needn’t get involved in your love life, because that’s a recipe for disaster. I’ve got the perfect guy for you — but he’s not quite ready yet.’ When I asked why not, she said: ‘Well, his wife’s not quite dead yet.’ Often, I’ve seen a guy’s photo and thought: ‘Wow! Some women I know go on these sites for the same reason men do, but that’s not my style. Most of the men I’ve met have dressed smartly — that’s probably an age thing.
’ But when you email them, you get a message back saying: ‘This man is not available.’ Or you get an email, but as soon as you ask for something like a phone number you never hear back. One friend met a gorgeous man online who said he was a TV presenter. I’m looking for someone to share dates and go to dinner parties with. Sadly, once men hit the 60 mark, they tend to go downhill a bit looks-wise. You can’t let it put you off leading a full life, though.
There simply aren’t many half-decent men out there.
I don’t know why, but my friends and I suspect that most older men don’t come out of a relationship unless there is another woman waiting in the wings.