They are shy and dating in a Western sense is somewhat new to Japan.
If a man is genuinely interested in you, usually he expects the relationship to lead to a formal commitment like marriage.
While in many Western countries the society is based on individualism, the Japanese culture is a different one.
The typical Japanese is most comfortable if they feel that the other person is comfortable and pleased too.
Finding love in the modern age is a tricky business for us ladies; there’s attractive profiles to create, emoticons to choose and the general deciphering of Tinder captions – ‘I feel how pizza tastes’… Throw in some culture shock, the language barrier and a completely different set of rules and you have something like dating in Japan.
In the name of research, Gaijin Pot got together three different women (UK, USA and Italy) to share their experiences of dating in Japan. Chiara: I thought that they didn’t find me attractive so I wasn’t really interested in Japanese guys, even though I was attracted to them.
Japanese men will generally not approach you first, unless they’re dead drunk or gaijin hunters, which isn’t a desirable situation.
Anyway, when coming to Japan for a longer period of time, you might want to find someone to be all lovey-dovey with. In an academic or working environment, at the club, or sitting next to you at Shibuya Starbucks--the perfect man might be just about anywhere.I explained that there are some of us who fancy them, too. On the arguing point; what tends to happen with me and the partner is that so many potential confrontations kind of get brushed aside, or stored away somewhere usually labelled at as 'well, we're front opposite ends of the world'.Then I think the storage space reaches over capacity and we end up have a proper argument in which she speaks really quickly in Japanese, and I can't quite keep up with what the problem is.Maybe, as you say, it would be better to address these smaller issues as and when they come up. Anyway, there are actually a ton of us westerners/other non-Japanese married to Japanese men, including a small community of us on City-Cost.Although we could end up spending a lot of time doing that! I know of several American women who married Japanese men around 40 years ago, despite being judged like crazy.